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There is this boy. I call him a boy but he is really a man. I think.
He is 26. Ahhh! That sounds so young!
He is cute. No, he is a very good looking man. I would even venture and say he is hot. Very easy on the eyes.
We meet off of match and he lives in the big city an hour away. He works about 30 minutes away. However his mother lives in my town and he comes to visit her often.
We like each other. He makes me feel like a school girl. We have not gone on a date yet but we are scheduling one.
It's fitting because he is leaving in the fall to move to Michigan. Now why would that be? He is going back to school to complete his Masters.
He is smart, he has traveled, he speaks French fluently (swoon!), he loves him momma!
But he is leaving.
Awwww.
I do not have a nickname for him now.

Totally Random Tuesdays

Annnnnnnnnd we are back! It's time to be done with the pitiful mess, don't cha think??
Totally Random Tuesdays.

I LOVE it when Sasha confesses her truth. Whatever the truth may be it tickles me pink!

I use to hate the color pink when I was little. I kinda like it now.

Mariah Carrey annoys me.

College is not hard. In fact so far it is a breeze. However it is kicking my ass with the time commitment.

If a guy has never been married and is older than 35 I am wary of them.

Sometimes I wish I was that woman that had sex on the first date.

Then I look at my daughter and am proud I am not.

But I still sometimes wish to be "bad" again.

I think Amy is the only friend I am still close with that REALLY knows how bad I once was.

I know many secrets. I love to learn people's secrets. I want to collect them on everyone I know! haha BUT I do not spill. I am a great secret keeper.

There is this guy in Canada on Twitter ... he offered to send me my favorite iced coffee syrup (Nescafe Iced Java mocha flavor). I turned him down but think I should do it anyways. I mean, they discontinued it in the US!!! I have to order it online. Hmmm. He IS in Canada so the likely hood of him hunting me down and killing me is very slim. What do you think???

Who are you Fort Collins, CO person? Email me at withmystilettos@gmail.com and let me know!

Ben Harper - Walk Away

Such a pretty song. Such a sad song. Such a song that I will live by today.




Oh no
Here comes that sun again
That means another day
Without you my friend

And it hurts me
To look into the mirror at myself
And it hurts even more
To have to be with somebody else
And its so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away

With so many people
To love in my life
Why do I worry
About one

But you put the happy
In my ness
You put the good times
Into my fun
And its so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door

We've tried the goodbye
So many days
We walk in the same direction
So that we could never stray
They say if you love somebody
Than you have got to set them free
But I would rather be locked to you
Than live in this pain and misery

They say time will
Make all this go away
But its time that has taken my tomorrows
And turned them into yesterdays
And once again that rising sun
Is dropping on down
And once again you my friend
Are nowhere to be found
And its so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door
You just walk away
Walk away

i lie

June 5th, 2009
I lie. I lie to myself and others. I am not over it. I am far, far from over it.
I am HAUNTED.
I pine for him. Pine. That was his word. It's fitting.
My sorrow is so intense. It has a death grip on me.
I miss him. Constantly. I say I am ready to be his friend but I really am not. I am not OK with him not wanting me. I am not OK with loosing my love. I am not OK with being told he made the right decision. It really feels like my soul is torn. Ripped and shredded. Unraveled. The string, that one string keeps getting longer and longer.
I lie to my friends. My friends that read my blog. My friends that don't read my blog. I lie. I'm not ashamed that I am not over it but I do not want to hear it anymore. I do not want to be told to move on. I do not want to be told I deserve something better. I do not want to be told everything will be OK. I do not want to be told it will take time to heal. I do not want to be told I will meet someone else.
My heart and soul are broken. Period.
I will continue to lie. To you. To myself. To him.
I will continue to lie until everything I do not want to be told will happen. I will continue to lie so you will not feel pity for me.
Just let me lie to you. Let me make believe. Let me pretend.
This my friend is a true diary entry. If you confront me on it be prepared for me to lie. I will wear a mask of happiness, strength, wittiness and calm. It's fake. It's all a lie.

it always comes down to the right pair

Trying on shoes.

It's a girl thing, right?

We go to the right size. Our eyes zero in on a color or style. If it excites us we pick it up. Turn it around. Maybe marvel at the height of the heel or bend the toes up. If it passes the flexibility test or "will I be able to walk in this?" test we will slip one on.

Do you sit on the floor or a stool to do this? I usually stand. Sometimes it is an easy slip on. Sometimes we have to tie it or buckle it properly. Once one is on we will judge it to decide if we need to put the other one on.

Let's say it does feel good on one foot. If that is the case I HAVE to put the other one on.

Roll up the pant legs so we can see what our feet and legs look like.

Take a step. Two. Three.

Balance in the stilettos and go slow at first. Walk fast in slip-ons. Squeeze the toes together to hold the flip flops on. Walk to the mirror.

How are your calves? How are your toes? How uncomfortable is the fit? Will I be able to walk at the end of the day? If no, are they sexy enough to justify? Does it pinch the heel or the arch of your foot? How does it make you feel? Again, how are those toes?

If everything comes together we may walk around more. We may take then off, put them back in the box and take the box off the shelf. THESE ARE MINE.

But what is the cost? Will it break the bank? Will it make you go negative? Will it be a small ding? How does it make you feel?

If the value is not good, if the fit is not good, if it hurts you, does not accentuate your calves, does not make you happy, is not the right style or go with anything in your closet ... you put it back.

Put it back on the shelf.

Be on the look out for that perfect pair. You know the one I am talking about. Have you been looking for it for months or years? Have you found yours? It's the ONE. The one with the value, the right fit, does not hurt, makes you look hot, makes you smile, goes with your current life; well that ONE. The one you want to keep.
Go ahead buy it. Take it home. Show it off. It is your favorite pair.

I am shopping for THE pair of shoes right now. The shoes are the men. I have not found one to buy. Sadly, I have not found one that I want to try on ... any foot.

Totally Random Tuesdays

Ok, here is the deal. I do not have much to "report" at this time. There are men I am talking to. There are men who I have gone out on dates with. Nothing too exciting. Nothing that I want to make more dates with.
I have not found Mr Awesome yet. That will totally be a nickname of someone I date!
So after browsing other blogs I have decides to steal some themes. One is Totally Random Tuesdays! I will type random things. What I am thinking, feeling, whatever ... it's all random.

So Cheers to my first Totally Random Tuesday.

My ass hurts. Big time. I worked out and did lunges. Many. Too many. My ass hurts.

I love Josh Weldon. He creates great characters & shows.

I always say "grr ... argh" with the mutant enemy monster at the end of every Josh Weldon show. Don't know what I am talking about? Google it.

I hate the view out of my front windows of my home. I love the side and back views.

I look like a hot librarian when I wear my glasses.

I love the word totally.

I signed up for Condron.us and seem to be getting a lot of hits on this blog. One person stayed for 6 hours!

Parapluie is my favorite French word to say. It means umbrella.

I dance in the shower. Doesn't everyone?

I get 1 stray hair on my chinny chin chin that I HATE. It's coarse and black. All together now, ewww. I chant "out bastard out" when I tweeze it.

When I was little I wanted to be a famous singer. That dream is still with me but I know now I can not carry a tune.

Anything more than basic math scares me. I feel paralyzed and my mind goes blank. I can not reason, think or try to problem solve.

I'm obsessed with rotating my dishes, silverware and cups.

I listen to Ryan Seacrest every workday AM and in the PM I stream pandora.com.