ice cream

July 12th, 2009
I admit, right now, I have an ice cream fetish. It's the love of my life right now. I love ice cream. There I said it. I admit it. I love ice cream. Can we move along now?
So, on this Sunday eve around 6:00, I am wistfully thinking of ice cream. I should not be doing this for I need to be working on home work. It's just hard to focus.
I think ... ice cream. Mr Stunnin. Ice cream. Mr Stunnin. ICE CREAM. MR STUNNIN. ICE CREAM! Hey! That's a good combo.
I call him. I ask what he is doing. He is at work. I tell him to leave. I want to go get ice cream. I would like for him to come with me.
He is game. Mr Stunnin picks me up at my house and we hit Dairy Queen. I get a chocolate Butterfinger Blizzard. He gets ... something ... I don't know. It was a chocolate blizzard too, but I don't recall. I was a tad into my own blizzard to pay attention to his.
After eating ice cream we sit and chat. I tell him I do not want to go back to "school" and he does not want to go back to work.
He suggests we go on a walk in the Dairy Queen neighborhood. It's a fantastic idea! Dairy Queen sits on the corner of this quaint neighborhood. We take off down the old tree lined street. The weather is nice, low 80s, sunny and there is a slight breeze. While walking I reach out to hold his hand.
We are swinging hands, like a new couple, which we are. We keep looking at each other and smile. Almost shy smiles. Flirty smiles.
We talk about our childhood. Where we grew up. Our crazy kid adventures. We point our scars on our bodies where we were hurt and share the stories behind it. We talk about our childhood friends. The conversation stays in our childhood. We were kids again.
The walk was about 30 minutes. He drives me back home and he gets out to kiss me goodbye. The kiss lasts longer than it should. Lots of deep breaths. Lots of not want to let go. But we have to.
I go inside the house and sit at the kitchen table to start my quizzes. I notice ... I notice I smell him on me. AGAIN.
It just lingers.
I send him a chat:

8:13 PM Nikki: I can smell you on me

8:25 PM Mr Stunnin: I'm going to take that as a compliment... I cannot get enough of you. :-o

Nikki: so you are saying you can't get enough of me?

8:27 PM

Mr Stunnin: That is exactly what I am attempting to say.

Nikki: it's my Pisces / witch in training magic

8:28 PM Mr Stunnin: So... are there any herbs I get to protect myself? Wait! Why am I asking the person, uh witch, who's working her magic on me?

8:29 PM Nikki: no herbs or pills. sorry.

you are screwed

8:31 PM Mr Stunnin: Damn it!!! Oh well, if I'm screwed then I'm bring you down with me. Consider yourself to be equally screwed.

Nikki: hehe

8:32 PM NO NEVER!!!!

Mr Stunnin: You just wait, screamer! You're so... totally going to be screwed!

8:33 PM Nikki: HA!

8:36 PM Mr Stunnin: I have to say, too, that you do have an odd effect on my penmanship. Usually, it's kinda more chicken scratch-esk, and I've noticed that after spending time with you it's more flow-ish/flowery/loopy-esk. Holy Crap, you really are a witch! Cool!

8:37 PM Nikki: YOU crack me up

9:24 PM Nikki: time to take the unit exam

9:25 PM Mr Stunnin: and she's off, a little slow around the corner, but she's a strong finisher folks ...

9:52 PM Nikki: I missed 4

9:53 PM 1 for misspelling, left off an "r" so she should mark that as correct. so missed 3.

9:54 PM Mr Stunnin: Out of how many?

9:55 PM Nikki: 53

Mr Stunnin: That's an A!

9:56 PM Good goin' grasshopper.

9:59 PM Nikki: thanks

10:02 PM ok ok ok. I am going to get ready for the final exam

10:03 PM Mr Stunnin: Anything you need from your private cheer leading section?

Nikki: nope, I am good

Mr Stunnin: I really only know, 'hustle, hustle.. use your muscle... go bears go!'

Nikki: . You are SILLY! Hey, my mom just came over and I am wearing a shirt & panties

Nikki: and I say "how do you like how I am dressed?"

Mr Stunnin: hahaa

10:05 PM Nikki: and she goes "Nikki, for as long as I have known you, you have always preferred to be as close to naked if not naked, as possible" then she tells me a story (which I have heard many of times) about how I would take all my clothes off when I was little and sleep.

10:07 PM Mr Stunnin: The more I know the more I like you.. I just can't put my finger on why that is... It's a mystery.

Nikki: ;)

10:08 PM you better like me for more than my tendency to be naked

Mr Stunnin: You have no idea!

10:09 PM Your natural curiosities are seriously cool.

10:14 PM Mr Stunnin: I do have to say that I look forward to chatting and talking to you, naked or not. There's a lot more going on in here than just that you look good naked. And, you can find a lot more about that after you finish summer school.

10:15 PM Good Luck Grasshopper!

He's cool. Yes?

getting to know you

July 10th, 2009
We chat with GMail. It is all day from when he gets in at 9:30 until I leave work at 5:00. I mean, we do work but we chat.
We flirt.
We reminisce about last night.
We both get hot and bothered.
I tell him "I almost took a ride on your disco stick!"
For some reason Lady Gaga stands out in both our minds.
Then I remember ... I do not know HIM!!! Not like I normally know a man at this point! What am I doing?? I decide to ask him some questions. I call upon Melissa B and Amy to help me with some questions ... getting to you know questions.
We talk about our dream houses.
We talk about our ideal family size.
We talk about our ideal place to live.
We talk about our dreams.
We talk about places we have visited.
It was a fun, flirty, getting to know you kind of day. I have respect for him. I trust him. I think we are on the same path and almost identical with our ideal lives.
I look forward to seeing where this goes.

I wanna take a ride on your ...

July 9th, 2009 - July 10th, 2009
As stated in the last entry, the first thing out of my mouth was "We are not having sex tonight."
He laughs. He agrees. He said that was not his intention.
My palms start to sweat again.
I show him the house. He likes where the "magic happens".
We go back to the living room. We sit on the couch. We get up and stand in the kitchen. We go back to the living room. We stand. We sit. We stand.
It's all nerve racking! What the hell?!?! I feel so under dressed! I feel un-pretty. I feel nervous. I really want a make out session.
An hour later we are sitting on the couch again. During the last hour we had nervous conversation. He has not tried anything. But damn, I guess I need to be the one to start.
"There is something I like to do. I like to sit on my man. Really it is straddling. Facing him." It is very true. I love to do that. For foreplay. For serious conversations. For fun. I just like to do it.
Mr Stunnin smiles and tell me to go for it.
I do. He is sitting on the couch. I swing my leg over and straddle him. We are facing each other. I smell him. Oh my gosh he smells so good. So manly. So sexy. We look at each other. I take my glasses off. THIS girl can not make out with glasses on.
We smile and I go in for the kiss.
It's slow.
It's start and stop.
It becomes awkward.
It does not feel right.
I don't like it.
We stop. I say "This will get better. We are nervous."
He agrees.
I touch his body. My hands go under his shirt. "My God you are hot! Not like Paris Hilton hot, but like fever hot!"
He is laughing.
"That sounds bad. You are Paris Hilton hot too! But I meant you are HOT, like fever hot." Oh my, there goes my mouth! I tell you what, some things that come out are not meant to be said! I am embarrassed.
Mr Stunnin says "You ARE Paris Hilton hot!"
"Thanks."
I lean in for a kiss and it gets all awkward again. It's not the right rhythm or something. It's just off. I don't like it. Oh my, if this is what sex is going to be like, I am not going there. It would SUCK!
I am still leaning in but move towards his neck. I give him butterfly kisses on his neck and say "I like aggression. I like to be dominated. I like for the man to take control." While saying that I think, 'this pansy ass shit AIN'T cutting it!'.
Mr Stunnin goes, "I don't know how far to take it. I don't want to scare you. I don't want to freak you out." His hands FINALLY touch my body.
Electricity is flying.
I look into his eyes. "Just take it. If I tell you to stop. STOP. Otherwise, just TAKE IT."
We stare at each other for a moment.
He takes my tank top off. He is watching my face to see if this is OK. He wants it but I can tell he is afraid to take it like I told him to. With the shirt off we both realize, hot damn, I am not wearing a bra! After 5-10 minutes of a heated, steaming, aggressive make out session he stands up.
HE STANDS UP!
My legs wrap around him. Remember, I was sitting on him.
He carries me down the hall to where the magic happens. SCORE!
I remind him. "We are not having sex tonight."
"I am well aware of this. Let me know if I am going too far." Mr Stunning sounds husky when he says this.
He places me softly on the bed. We make out a bit more. It feels right. It feels good. This is what I am talking about!!! WHOOOO HOOOOOO! He sits up and pulls my boxers off. Real quick like.
I am naked. I don't care. He is still dressed. I tell him to take off his shirt. He does.
Magic happened.
There was no sex.
He worshiped my body.
I am a lucky lady sometimes. After 2 hours of bliss I tell him I need to get some sleep. I walk him to the door, naked. He keeps smiling. He tells me often that I am a beautiful sight to look at. He can get used to it. He appreciates that I am comfortable naked. "Do you know what you are doing to me?!"
"Yes" I said. I smile. We kiss softly goodbye.
He leaves. I take a deep breath. I can smell him on me. I go to the bedroom to go to sleep. I close my eyes and breath his scent in over and over until I fall asleep.

isn't natural best?

July 9th, 2009

An hour before lunch I send a chat. I tell him I am thinking I want him to great me in a certain "special" way. Something special in the kiss department. He is interested and says he will see what he can come up with in the kiss department.

I have butterflies. My toes curl. This is BEFORE the kiss.

I am sitting down waiting for him to enter the restaurant. For some reason I beat him this time.

He enters and spots me right away.

My hands start to sweat. CRAP. He makes me nervous! Ah CRAP! I made myself nervous! I told him to kiss me with a greeting.

I wipe my palms on my pants. I swallow. I smile. He comes over and sits next to me. My heart starts to pound. I'm still wiping my palms. He leans in to kiss me and I think 'this is wrong' and I am so DAMN nervous!!! I know the kiss was good but we were sitting next to each other in the restaurant and it felt off. It did not flow. There was too much pressure. Way to go Nikki.

Moment = ruined.

He stands up to sit across from me and I immediately relax. Then he leans down and plants a quick one on me. THAT one I liked.

What the heck?!

My butterflies were gone. My palms were dry. My heart beat goes to normal.

I'm calm again. We talk. We laugh. We share stories. We talk about family. We have ME TOO moments. We get to know each other a little more. It was a fabulous lunch.

It's time to leave for I have exactly one hour for lunch.

I think about him all afternoon.

I do not see him online. I sent him a quick email before 5:00. The title is "I need a break!" and the email says "I have a confession to make. A little secret if you will. I really look forward to our first make out session."

I giggle. I wonder what he will think.

I leave work. I go to the gym. I work out big time.

I take a shower and get online. It's time for school.

He had sent an email and he is online. He told me in his email I made his pants hard to wear. HA!

I send a chat, tell him my school schedule, for you know, reasons. He wants to know the reasons. I tell him if I get done with my school work, I can have a break. He gets very excited. He is at work and between assignments I chat with him. I keep him posted. 3 out of 6 done. 4 out of 6 done. 5 out of 6 done. 6 out of 6 done.

11:13 PM Nikki: sooooo

11:14 PM Mr Stunnin: hmm???

11:17 PM I, very much, would like to see you tonight. If only walk your halls and see what tastes you have and what pictures you hang... and, maybe to kiss you, too. You know, only if you're a really nice girl though, a guy's gotta have standards. :)

Nikki: haha

standards?

11:18 PM what standards?

my house is a mess

I have not cleaned in a month

Mr Stunnin: haha

Nikki: I am not kidding

I have picked up

but it is not up to par ... my par

11:19 PM and I am wearing my glasses

no make up on

Mr Stunnin: Oooo.. really! I could see you with your glasses! Cool!

Nikki: no hair "did"

Mr Stunnin: Where did you put your hair?

Nikki: it's hanging up

11:20 PM Mr Stunnin: What, in the closet?

Nikki: bathroom

behind the door

2nd peg down

Mr Stunnin: Your hair is hanging behind the bathroom door?

Nikki: yep

Mr Stunnin: I'm confused.

Nikki: I am kidding!!!

11:21 PM Mr Stunnin: HEY!!!

Nikki: LMAO

Mr Stunnin: It is MY job to tease you... don't go gettin' any ideas girly!

Nikki: I'll try not to get any ideas

can't promise

Mr Stunnin: uh... huh...

11:22 PM Nikki: so ....

I need a game plan

Mr Stunnin: k... I'm game.

11:23 PM What can I do coach?

Nikki: ring

I call him. I give him my address. I warn him. I am in a tank top, boxers, glasses on, no make up and my hair dried naturally.

That says a lot for I have very curly hair.

I stand at the door and wait. I start to get excited. I run to the hall way to go to my bedroom to straighten up ... why? what for? My heart starts beating again. Hard. Loudly. I start breathing heavier. I walk down to the bedroom and stare in my room. I turn and walk into the bathroom. I have an urge to put make up on. I have an urge to fix my hair. I have an urge to look "pretty". I start to panic.

I hear his car.

I run to the front door. I HAVEN'T FIXED ANYTHING!!! HE GOT HERE TO FAST. IT WAS LIKE FIVE MINUTES. OH MY GAWD!!!!! He gets out of the car.

He smiles.

I let him in the house and first thing out of my mouth is "We are not having sex tonight."

outside the box

July 8th, 2009

We are again back to no communication. We have had 2 phone calls. 3 dates. A handful of chats. Otherwise, nuttin! Nuttin at all! It's been a month! Insane.

I think about him off and on. We have a lot of fun when we are together. We play. I am calm with him. I have that peace I need. I also have the insane desire to jump him! He is kind of a combo of Mr P and Mr Big Man. The passion with Mr P and the peace with Mr Big Man. Plus he is hot!!!!

Yet I feel I still know nothing about him.

Everything I have done with other men I have not done with him.

I usually have this whole "screening" process. I ask certain questions. I have a certain amount of phone calls. I send so many emails ... but nope, that has not happened.

I initiated our kisses ... that COULD be normal in a relationship but not the norm before the relationship. Everything is off kilter ... he took my comfort zone from me.

And I let him.

And I am only a little freaked out.

We chat briefly tonight with Gmail chat. I am "in school" - I'm taking online classes - and while I am in school he is at work - the evil blue empire.

I tease him that he works as hard as I do. He says he is working hard so he can be free when I am done with school. He works an average of 50 hours a week usually but he's killing it with about 75 hours now.

We see each other tomorrow again. Our 4th date and it will be during lunch again. One week from our last date.

I am very eager and I am very much looking forward to it.

he has a crush on me

July 2nd, 2009
Third date. Lunch date.
We have not talked since the 'ring' phone call. No chats. The 'ring' phone call was to figure out where we are meeting for lunch.
Mr Stunnin and I meet at a FANCY french restaurant. We laugh, giggle, just have a grand time. We talk about my studies, gym, friends, where we have lived and some hobbies we enjoy.
After 30 minutes or so I realized I really like this guy. I have no idea who he is but I like him. I'm going to make a move to further or stop the relationship (I have no time to date, remember ... damn school).
I decided to hit him with a hard topic but one that is important. Money. I want to talk about money. I start with what I think, how I spend, how I struggled to get out of credit card debt and I am there now, how I plan on not getting back into debt ... it was a complete money talk. I then asked his opinion.
He agreed with me. He may be a little more conservative than I am but all in all we agree! It was a hearty, healthy talk and again we had a lot of Me TOO moments! Afterwards we sat and smiled at each other.
I did find out with his new job he had a significant wage increase over his last job. Due to this he was able to apply a lot of money to paying off his student loans. He has 3 degrees. He said by Spring everything will be paid off. I can't imagine what 3 degrees cost but I know it's a pretty penny!
It was time for me to get back to work. We walked to the car. I am looking at Mr Stunnin. My face turned up. I had a smile on my face. It was sunny and there was a small breeze. I remember this for my hair blew over my mouth. He brushed the hair away and leaned in to kiss me.
Once again it was perfection. I don't have to teach him to kiss "my way". I don't have complaints about how his lips feel. It was perfect. I leaned into him a little and he grabbed me so our bodies were pressed together. Wow. His body. His BODY. His FREAKIN body! Think about pressing your body against a living statue of David. Swoon! The kiss lasted for a bit. A bit longer than it should. I do not recall who pulled away first.
I know we smiled at each other. I told him to have a safe trip. He was going back home for the holiday weekend. He told me to have a safe trip, I was taking my daughter to the Ozarks for the weekend.
Back at work I update my Gmail status to "I am made of awesome".
When he gets back to work he updates his status to "She IS made of awesome".
I send him a chat:

2:29 PM Nikki: I am made of awesome

never doubt that

2:30 PM Mr Stunnin: I'm bringing a spoon next time.

Nikki: haha! What do you mean?

2:32 PM Shawn: Well... I've noticed that you're also sweet, so I was thinking that I might spoon up some of that sweet awesomeness... could be good :)

2:33 PM Nikki: I have a secret

my mind went to a dirty place there

Mr Stunnin: {gasp!} No!

2:34 PM Nikki: NO!

no it didn't

never ... nope ... never .... ever ... maybe ... sometimes ... often?

2:35 PM Mr Stunnin: mmm... I'm thinkin' correct answer is 'often'. Yep!

2:36 PM Nikki: {shrugs shoulders & looks innocent}

I don't know what you are talking about.

2:39 PM Mr Stunnin: ooo... you're a dangerous cookie, too! Doing the 'innocent, sweet girl' all to very well. I'm gonna have to keep an eye on you. ;)

2:40 PM Nikki: k

you do that

At 3:00 he tells me he has to leave to catch his flight.
Two hours later I send him an e-card from someecards.com and it says "You have a crush on me." I then add "Am I right or am I RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT? Pray tell. Nikki."
He then sends a postcard 2 hours later via his iPhone and it says, "I'll admit nothing!!! OK, OK, maybe I'll admit that it is rare to have someone so indelibly inked upon my mind is such wildly vivid chronomagical colors. mmmmm. Have a wonderful trip. Mr Stunnin."

give me a ring

July 1st,
I call him in the evening and I get his voice mail.
I say "Hey! Give me a ring." I then giggle (who the hell knows why!). Then I say "Oh! This is Nikki!" Giggle some more.
Mr Stunnin calls me back. "What does your voice mail mean?"
"What are you talking about? I asked you to call me back." I am confused.
With laughter in his voice he says "No. You asked for a ring then giggled. What kind of ring are you talking about? Why would you say 'give me a ring' ... and then clarify who you are ... what kind of ring do I need to give you?"
Click. I got it! He thought I meant, give me a ring around my finger, not give me a call back. OK, he is a silly fool! My mind was not going there! Hasn't he ever heard of give me a ring? I guess people say "give me a ring BACK", but still!!! Come on! His mind went there! This does make me laugh. I tell him what I meant but to answer his other question, "the ring that you shall give me will be a princess cut. Remember that! Do not ever forget. PRINCESS CUT!"
That makes him laugh out loud.
He tells me I rock.
I tell him I know. With a princess cut.
That makes him laugh harder. He says he will try to find a princess cut from the gum ball machine.

keeping blog secrets

June 30th, 2009
We ignore each other again.
So the 2nd date was Thursday June 25th. Our next communication is Monday June 29th.
He updates his status in chat to "Nikki is awesome-er" late in the day.
I reply: thanks for saying I am awesome-er. I will not argue.
The conversation goes from there. Flirting back and forth again. I have a date that night with the gym. I tell him not to go; which is a lie for I want him to go ... us women are so confusing. I do not recall if I told you this but we belong to the same gym.
Anyways, he can't go. He is working long hours at work. I tell him I will "see" him online when I am at school. He likes that plan.
After working out and cleaning up I start school. At 12:17AM I notice he is still online. I am done with my assignments for the night. I send a quick chat asking him if I can call him. He says yes.
We have our first phone call!
We talk about religion, why neither one of us have been married (recall my Mr Right and Mr Right now speech), what we want from a partner, how sex clouds things and about love. LOVE! Anyways, he said something that really stood out. I told him my Mr Right and Mr Right Now and he says, "this is what I need. I need 'You. Me. Yes. Forever.' Once I think that then I know she is the one I will ask to marry."
Ahhh. It's kind of cave man like! Enter dream sequence { "YOU" he yells and slams down his club in front of me. "ME" he bangs his chest. "YES" he pulls me by my arm (in a loving way!) to the ceremony. "FOREVER" he bellows in my face with a smile. }
OK. Hmm. Dream sequence not so dreamy.
But whatever. I liked it! I really liked it for that is what I believe too! You, me, yes, forever! It was perfect.
We both also agree that once sex starts it's an automatic exclusive relationship.
I tell him about the blog. He wants to know the address. I said no way and then I ask why did he want to read about my past relationships? He said he would hopefully learn from it and learn more about me. I still said no. I told him how everyone had a nickname (the men do) and I never mention where I am. He gives me permission to write about him in here. For my girlfriends, please never reveal his nickname to him. I think he would be the one to Google it and find the blog! We can't have that!
The last topic is about seeing each other again. I look at my calendar and I am free on the 2nd during lunch. He is free too. We have our 3rd date scheduled.
Our phone call ends around 3:00AM and I fall asleep with a smile on my face (I might have drifted off thinking about a cave man).

would lunch dates work?

June 25th, 2009

I came up with a schedule with school. This does not look good. I can not date. I have no time to date. Let's see ... school or dating. School or dating? SCHOOL or dating. I hope it is obvious but I need to stick with school.
At the 2nd date I need to tell him I can not see him again until school is over. I have about a month left for the Summer Session.
Sigh.
After our day of flirty chats I am very eager to see him.
I have gym first. I run home to take a shower. Yes, I am dancing in there again!
Shower. CHECK. Make up. CHECK. Hair. WET BUT CHECK. Dressed. CHECK.
We meet at my favorite Italian restaurant. So far, every man but Mr P has taken me there. I always suggest it. They always like it. I know I do!
Once again it is so easy. We laugh. A lot. We have more ME TOO moments. It was FUN. But I needed to spill the beans on school ...
I tell him "Mr Stunnin, you know I am in school. I took on more than I can handle and I need to prioritize my life right now. I will not be able to date until school is over. I know I can't really ask you to wait but I can not mess up school. I do want to see you again. If you are available when school is over, which is about 4 weeks, can we pick back up?"
He asks "Do you eat lunch during the day?"
"Yes" I say and giggle a little. DUH!
"Why don't we do lunch dates? That way we can still see each other without stopping." He is looking at me intently.
I think about this. That is a really good idea. It also shows he really wants to see me. I have been studying 3 out of 5 lunches. I can get him in once a week. At least. I start nodding. "Ok, we can do that!"
We both smile.
It's time to leave. I have approximately 4 more hours of homework in front of me. I mention that to him. In the shopping center where the Italian restaurant is, they have a coffee shop. He suggests we walk there and get a cup of coffee. This man is after my heart! Can you tell?!
We stroll over there. Order our coffee. Laugh and flirt some more. We make it back to my car.
I like this man.
I don't know if he is going to go for the kiss. I want the kiss.
I pull him to me and give him the kiss.
It's slow. It's sweet. It's perfect. I open my eyes and look at him. I swallow. We are staring at each other.
I.want.him.
I turn around and leave. I head home and try not to think about him as I study.

status updates

June 21-25th, 2009

We chat online after the first date. It is not much. We have one phone call.
I am logged into GMail at work. Gmail has this thing where you can change you status to be whatever you want it to be. Work? Check. Lunch. Check. I'm eating a donut. Check. You know, just whatever you want your friends to know, you update your status to that. Like Facebook.
Alright, so, I'm at work listening to the radio and Lady Gaga comes back on. This time it is Love Game. ♫ Let's have some fun this beat is sick / I wanna take a ride on your disco stick / Let's have some fun this beat is sick / I wanna take a ride on your disco stick /Hey! / I wanna kiss you ♫
I update my status to : I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
He updates his status to : pogo stick is taking tickets for rides
Here is a snippet of our chat:

Me: Ohhh snap!
Him: To where am I to take the 'pogo stick' metaphor oh church-girly :)? No wait! Disco Stick?
Me: No comment! I plead the 5th.
Him: crap. Freakin Lola
I find this very funny. I can't tell him I want to ride his disco stick! Not yet at least! Later this day we play with our statuses. Both of us are putting up different lyrics to Lady Gaga. We hit one song or another. All with very sexual tones.
Oh! I did make fun of him for knowing who Lady Gaga was. Also for knowing the lyrics.
I update to : I am bluffin with my muffin
He updates to : I'm stunnin with my love glue gunnin
Hence, his nick name is Mr Stunnin.
This is the beginning of our chats. Long chats. Flirty chats. Playful chats. 6 hour long chats.
It is distracting. It is naughty. It is foreplay.
Our 2nd date is tonight.

poker face

June 20th, 2009
I wake up late. School is kicking my butt and I have been up late every night. I hurry to the gym and run. I go a full 30 minutes but skip the weights. I have no time for that.
I make it back home and I have 30 minutes before I need to be at the date. I open my laptop so I can dance in my shower. While I am waiting for pandora.com to open I see he is online.
I send a quick message "back from the gym. I'm hitting the showers". I giggle a little as I sent that. What man will NOT think of a naked woman?
I can be bad and that feels so good!
Oh wait. I don't know this person. I was bad and it does not feel so good.
Hmmmm.
Moving along, I see him type a message and after he hits enter it says "just finished a run myself this morning. I will see you there!"
My music comes up and I dance to Lady GaGa. ♫ Poker Face ♫
Shower. CHECK. Make up. CHECK. Hair. WET BUT CHECK. Dressed. CHECK.
Out the door I go.
We meet at the restaurant. He has an awesome body. OHHHH my WORD! NICE. You go Nikki!
We walk to the Farmers Market. Hey, it does not suck this year! There are more vendors. Lots of people. This was a good idea for a date. The conversation flows. I do not remember what we talked about but it easy. It was calm. I was attracted to him. Hey - remember me being bad earlier ... good girl Nikki! That was the way to go.
I see a friend at the Farmers Market. It's Jenni! She meets Mr Stunnin. We head back to the restaurant. We order breakfast. We have laughter. We have ME TOO moments.
I talk with my hands. A lot. I should have been born Italian. His eyes kept following my hands. I told him to stop for he would get whip lash. He liked that.
While there I see another friend. Megan. Megan comes over and realizes I am on a date. OOPSIE I can see written on her face but she stays. Megan wants the scoop! The 3 of us chat about drama of all things! Female drama that we see with another group.
Oh my. What does he think of me now? Whatever ... it's true. I am not a part of the drama but I like to watch it like a soap. If he doesn't understand or accept then he is not my man.
Three hours later I notice the time. CRAP! I need to get back to homework.
I tell him I need to go and why. I stay another 20 minutes just talking about school.
We walk outside, I wonder about a kiss but it is raining. I am wearing a white shirt. It's not a good idea to stay. I give him a hug. I feel his hard body against my body. I feel we fit. He is 5'11. The hug lasted longer than it should but it was right. I said we will talk later and I run to my car.
Starting the car the radio plays Lady Gaga. Must be a theme here. Before him and after him. Same song. She sings ♫ I wanna roll with him what a hard pair we will be / A little gambling is fun when you're with me, I love it / Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun / And baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun ♫.
Damn does that fit.
I want another date.
I need to get organized with school. Get a schedule and see where I can fit him in.
He will be one that is fun to play with.

luka not lola

June 19th, 2009

The day before the date we exchange emails. Real ones where we try to learn more about each other. Here are some goodies:

I told him he worked for the Evil Blue Empire and he says:
Mwaahaahaa… I'm sorry, there's a new memo out at the evil blue empire requiring the intro to any outgoing email to include, as they say, 'an evil laughter, or its equivalent effect…' There was the usual idea requiring everyone to give the 'evil eye' to all new comers, which everyone knows is only ever supported by 'Old Man Jeb the Janitor' (actually, he's a really nice guy), but it's painfully difficult to enforce. Plus, no one can ever agree on which eye to use. You know, the evil blue empire didn't just arrive at this level of evil… it's a team effort. Go Team!

On what we are going to do on the date and of course, 5 more random things:

Mmm… game plan. I'd like to meet at (restaurant name removed), then go to the Farmer's Market, then eat. I'm flexible though, mostly I'm just planning to keep you on your toes all morning.

Five Random Things:

1. I'm growing a tomato plant (black krim) in one of those topsy turvy planters. It's far heavier than I thought it was going to be, and the wrought iron hanger it on is beginning to have a noticeable downward bend to it. Gonna have to replace or fix that.

2. My sign is Sagittarius. And, I hold zero stock in that, to which I've been told only proves my Sagittarius traits, to which I reply harrumph.

3. I have one brother and one sister, older sister, younger brother.

4. I live on the second floor, but not with Lola.

5. Turtles can breath through their butts… or so I've heard.

6. I drive a 2007 Subaru Forester, creamish in color, might be useful knowledge

So I replied:

Sounds like a plan. Trying to keep me on my toes and all on the first date.
Regarding Lola. I think her name is Luka. As in "My name is Luka. I live on the 2nd floor. I live upstairs from you. Yes I think you've seen me before." That Luka?? I am glad you do not live with her for her ass was beat. :(
To FUNNY on #5. GOOD to know. Good to know.
I hope to be accepted into an Allied Health program. My goal at this time is to be a sonogram technician. We shall see.
5 random things:
I am drinking iced tea right now. I really want ice cream.
I was locked IN my office last night. It was really funny. The door nob broke so it would not turn to open. The really bad news? I had to go potty.
I live in a house. It's just one floor.
I hope it storms tonight.
I dance in the shower. Well, not in the mornings.
I pandora.com all the time.
I did 6 (7 now) because you did six.
I just noticed you are in my chat. EEK! Damn GMail. Actually I am a GMail pimp. Pimpess? Regardless, I love GMail. I pimp it. A lot. My friend Melissa likes to make fun of me. Whatever, I just like GMail.
I have a terrible singing voice but I do not care. I love to sing. I sing everywhere. Often. Proud. My childhood dream was to be a singer. One day I was singing in the car with my dad and my sisters and that was when I knew I could not be a singer. He asked "who is singing like a dying cow?" Yes my dad said this. I was, oh, maybe 8. sniff, sniff.

So he replied:
I am so busted… You're right, it was Luka. My bad. I'll bet you a game of Hot Hands, if I win you have to sing the song to me, and if you win you have to sing the song to me. How 'bout it?
Seriously, you got locked in your office last night? That's funny, I'm still laughing at that. Did you get video? I'd like to see the video.
I had that EEK moment with GMail, too. I was all, I'm not ready yet… oh, wait.. she can't see me, everything is fine, deep breaths Mr Stunnin, deep breaths… no worries, eventually they were able to talk me down off the rafters. Actually, it was more of a 'I was not expecting that' moment, but where's the fake drama in that… 'cause, I'm all about the fake drama.
A few more random things:
You know, your shower must have a really grippy bottom or you have exceptionally good balance.
Hello, my name is Mr Stunnin, and I'm addicted to my Ipod.
I really like down hill skiing, and I'm pretty good at it.
See you tomorrow.

And the date begins in the AM.

if i'm dead he did it

June 17th - June 18th, 2009
He replies back. He is available this weekend. In fact, let's go for Saturday morning. He wants to go to the Farmers Market.
Ahh, our farmers market is not exciting. At least it has not been the last few times I have gone. Rather small and boring are the nicest thing I can say about it.
I sent a chat message to my girlfriends ... should I go? Should I offer another suggestion? They all tell me to go, if it sucks then we can laugh at how much it sucks.
I email him back, Farmers Market it is. Saturday AM on June 20th. I tell him I want breakfast thrown in too.
He replies back. Breakfast will be throw in too. 9:00.
I reply back. 9:30. I need to hit the gym before the date (this is my normal Saturday AM thing, I'm not doing it for the date).
He replies back. Deal. 9:30.
I email him. What is your full name and phone number? Oh! And what is your real email address? I think we need to move past the match email system.
He replies back. I have his name, phone number and his email. Ahhh, crap! He has GMail too! This could be a good thing ... or bad. I google him. I find nothing but his Linkedin profile. He has a good job history. He works for the "Evil Blue Empire". My competition for work! HA! We are in the same industry. Verrrrrry interesting!
I forward his email to Sasha and Melissa B that gives his email address, full name and phone number. I tell them I have a date and I have never meet the guy before. If I show up missing, he did it!

it's almost a done deal

June 16th, 2009
What is wrong with him I asked.
His answer?
Hmm ... faults-o-mine ... I'm a driven and ambitious man that has taken his time to do what he believed to be the right thing for those around him. And to be exceptionally vague, that has been my story.
He nailed it. That was vague! Driven and ambitious??? Wow, what a turn on!
His 5 random things:
1. I have a wide toe box.
2. I finally understand my mom's song bird fascination.
3. I built an arbor for my balcony about a month ago, which totally rocks!
4. I don't own a TV
5. Yes, I can afford a TV
Hmmmmm. Super cool about building an arbor. In fact a man that can use his hands is super sexy to me. It shows strength, skill and smarts. I like! He doesn't own a TV? What the heck is that about?
This dude is odd! He talks about his toe box. haha! Who does that?! His writing style is the best I have ever seen in the online dating game. He seems educated. He seems witty. He is funny. He goes off on tangents. My kind of man.
I wanna play his game.
I email him back and ask when he is available for dates. I question his lack of TV.
I await his response back for when he is available for our first date.

don't mock buffy!

June 11th, 2009
Late in the evening after I finish my homework I check my email. He wrote back.
I smile before I opened the email. I can see his wit while I am reading his reply! He tells me he would love to meet me this weekend but he can't for his mom says he has to stay home. He was kidding of course. He was flying back home for the weekend to visit his parents and friends. He suggests we get together for some coffee and Buffy the Vampire Slayer later next week. 'Cause, that show rocked!!!
Ok now, in my profile I wrote that I LOVED Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I LOVED IT! I mean, who doesn't? If he was being sarcastic I was going to make him suffer through Buffy if he dared to mock her awesomeness. If he was being serious I would have a night of bliss. Win win on my end!
I wrote him back and told him to be safe on his trip. I also asked him what was wrong with him. He is 36, never been married, no children, athletic body, witty, has a great ass and very well educated. Maybe that is it, he must be a dork. Or is he socially inept? Does he not believe in pre-marital sex? Pish posh! Every man wants pre-marital sex! Hmmm. What is wrong with him? Where is his baggage? I'm intrigued.
I need to remember he does not want to do small talk with email or phone calls. He wants to meet the other right away to see if anything clicks. I do not know if I am game. It is kind of scary.
What are his 5 random things?

this profile is a riot!

June 11th, 2009
I'm taking y'all back to the beginning.
With match, you get an email every 4-5 days with possible matches. I received an email and there is one picture that caught my eye. I click on it and it took me to his profile.
It is one of the most well written and hysterical profiles I have ever read. It's a pure ramble of thoughts that seem random but really they come together. Two key things stand out:

• One - he says he does not do email or phone calls, he does face to face meetings
  
• Two - he shoots off his favorite recipe that he wants "the one" to make for him. It gives details on how to chop, what pan to use, which brands to buy, etc

I laughed so hard and so many times my cheeks hurt. It was SUCH a riot! You can tell he likes to play and he is having fun. At the bottom it lists his dream girl requirements. He wants someone that has a degree and he wants someone with no children. Well bugger, this funny man and I do not match. I mean I am in school again but I do not have a degree and I DEFINITELY have a child. Well crap.
So what? Well, it is something he told the system he wants .... what do I do???
I send him an email that says "You have one of the funniest profiles I have ever read. I want you to know I give you a standing 'O' in this corner. Bravo! Bravo!"
While I wait for a response I check out the rest of his profile. He has been online lately and he has a great ass.
I hope he replies.

did you see that?!

My socks. Are blown off.
He has knocked my socks off. They are not on my feet. They are not in they room ....
Wooosh! Did you SEE that! They are out the Gawd Damn door!
My socks are gone.
Oh my. Oh freakin my.
His name shall be Mr Stunnin.

Journal entries will resume next week. You will get it from the beginning. We are a month old at this point.

Friends ... he stuns me in every way possible.

slacker

I met a man.
Working FT, being a single mom and stupidly taking too many classes has left me with no time to blog about it.
He is a tad kooky.
He is sweet.
He is calm.
He makes me smile when I think about him.
This my friends makes me happy. I do not have a nickname for him yet but I shall come up with one soon.
My posts will be rather scarce until school is out. School ends 7/24. Nikki is not over, she is just on hold. This I promise. You will get my adventures again.
Maybe another love too, who knows ...

1 down

There is this boy. I call him a boy but he is really a man. I think.
He is 26. Ahhh! That sounds so young!
He is cute. No, he is a very good looking man. I would even venture and say he is hot. Very easy on the eyes.
We meet off of match and he lives in the big city an hour away. He works about 30 minutes away. However his mother lives in my town and he comes to visit her often.
We like each other. He makes me feel like a school girl. We have not gone on a date yet but we are scheduling one.
It's fitting because he is leaving in the fall to move to Michigan. Now why would that be? He is going back to school to complete his Masters.
He is smart, he has traveled, he speaks French fluently (swoon!), he loves him momma!
But he is leaving.
Awwww.
I do not have a nickname for him now.

Totally Random Tuesdays

Annnnnnnnnd we are back! It's time to be done with the pitiful mess, don't cha think??
Totally Random Tuesdays.

I LOVE it when Sasha confesses her truth. Whatever the truth may be it tickles me pink!

I use to hate the color pink when I was little. I kinda like it now.

Mariah Carrey annoys me.

College is not hard. In fact so far it is a breeze. However it is kicking my ass with the time commitment.

If a guy has never been married and is older than 35 I am wary of them.

Sometimes I wish I was that woman that had sex on the first date.

Then I look at my daughter and am proud I am not.

But I still sometimes wish to be "bad" again.

I think Amy is the only friend I am still close with that REALLY knows how bad I once was.

I know many secrets. I love to learn people's secrets. I want to collect them on everyone I know! haha BUT I do not spill. I am a great secret keeper.

There is this guy in Canada on Twitter ... he offered to send me my favorite iced coffee syrup (Nescafe Iced Java mocha flavor). I turned him down but think I should do it anyways. I mean, they discontinued it in the US!!! I have to order it online. Hmmm. He IS in Canada so the likely hood of him hunting me down and killing me is very slim. What do you think???

Who are you Fort Collins, CO person? Email me at withmystilettos@gmail.com and let me know!

Ben Harper - Walk Away

Such a pretty song. Such a sad song. Such a song that I will live by today.




Oh no
Here comes that sun again
That means another day
Without you my friend

And it hurts me
To look into the mirror at myself
And it hurts even more
To have to be with somebody else
And its so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away

With so many people
To love in my life
Why do I worry
About one

But you put the happy
In my ness
You put the good times
Into my fun
And its so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door

We've tried the goodbye
So many days
We walk in the same direction
So that we could never stray
They say if you love somebody
Than you have got to set them free
But I would rather be locked to you
Than live in this pain and misery

They say time will
Make all this go away
But its time that has taken my tomorrows
And turned them into yesterdays
And once again that rising sun
Is dropping on down
And once again you my friend
Are nowhere to be found
And its so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door
You just walk away
Walk away

i lie

June 5th, 2009
I lie. I lie to myself and others. I am not over it. I am far, far from over it.
I am HAUNTED.
I pine for him. Pine. That was his word. It's fitting.
My sorrow is so intense. It has a death grip on me.
I miss him. Constantly. I say I am ready to be his friend but I really am not. I am not OK with him not wanting me. I am not OK with loosing my love. I am not OK with being told he made the right decision. It really feels like my soul is torn. Ripped and shredded. Unraveled. The string, that one string keeps getting longer and longer.
I lie to my friends. My friends that read my blog. My friends that don't read my blog. I lie. I'm not ashamed that I am not over it but I do not want to hear it anymore. I do not want to be told to move on. I do not want to be told I deserve something better. I do not want to be told everything will be OK. I do not want to be told it will take time to heal. I do not want to be told I will meet someone else.
My heart and soul are broken. Period.
I will continue to lie. To you. To myself. To him.
I will continue to lie until everything I do not want to be told will happen. I will continue to lie so you will not feel pity for me.
Just let me lie to you. Let me make believe. Let me pretend.
This my friend is a true diary entry. If you confront me on it be prepared for me to lie. I will wear a mask of happiness, strength, wittiness and calm. It's fake. It's all a lie.

it always comes down to the right pair

Trying on shoes.

It's a girl thing, right?

We go to the right size. Our eyes zero in on a color or style. If it excites us we pick it up. Turn it around. Maybe marvel at the height of the heel or bend the toes up. If it passes the flexibility test or "will I be able to walk in this?" test we will slip one on.

Do you sit on the floor or a stool to do this? I usually stand. Sometimes it is an easy slip on. Sometimes we have to tie it or buckle it properly. Once one is on we will judge it to decide if we need to put the other one on.

Let's say it does feel good on one foot. If that is the case I HAVE to put the other one on.

Roll up the pant legs so we can see what our feet and legs look like.

Take a step. Two. Three.

Balance in the stilettos and go slow at first. Walk fast in slip-ons. Squeeze the toes together to hold the flip flops on. Walk to the mirror.

How are your calves? How are your toes? How uncomfortable is the fit? Will I be able to walk at the end of the day? If no, are they sexy enough to justify? Does it pinch the heel or the arch of your foot? How does it make you feel? Again, how are those toes?

If everything comes together we may walk around more. We may take then off, put them back in the box and take the box off the shelf. THESE ARE MINE.

But what is the cost? Will it break the bank? Will it make you go negative? Will it be a small ding? How does it make you feel?

If the value is not good, if the fit is not good, if it hurts you, does not accentuate your calves, does not make you happy, is not the right style or go with anything in your closet ... you put it back.

Put it back on the shelf.

Be on the look out for that perfect pair. You know the one I am talking about. Have you been looking for it for months or years? Have you found yours? It's the ONE. The one with the value, the right fit, does not hurt, makes you look hot, makes you smile, goes with your current life; well that ONE. The one you want to keep.
Go ahead buy it. Take it home. Show it off. It is your favorite pair.

I am shopping for THE pair of shoes right now. The shoes are the men. I have not found one to buy. Sadly, I have not found one that I want to try on ... any foot.

Totally Random Tuesdays

Ok, here is the deal. I do not have much to "report" at this time. There are men I am talking to. There are men who I have gone out on dates with. Nothing too exciting. Nothing that I want to make more dates with.
I have not found Mr Awesome yet. That will totally be a nickname of someone I date!
So after browsing other blogs I have decides to steal some themes. One is Totally Random Tuesdays! I will type random things. What I am thinking, feeling, whatever ... it's all random.

So Cheers to my first Totally Random Tuesday.

My ass hurts. Big time. I worked out and did lunges. Many. Too many. My ass hurts.

I love Josh Weldon. He creates great characters & shows.

I always say "grr ... argh" with the mutant enemy monster at the end of every Josh Weldon show. Don't know what I am talking about? Google it.

I hate the view out of my front windows of my home. I love the side and back views.

I look like a hot librarian when I wear my glasses.

I love the word totally.

I signed up for Condron.us and seem to be getting a lot of hits on this blog. One person stayed for 6 hours!

Parapluie is my favorite French word to say. It means umbrella.

I dance in the shower. Doesn't everyone?

I get 1 stray hair on my chinny chin chin that I HATE. It's coarse and black. All together now, ewww. I chant "out bastard out" when I tweeze it.

When I was little I wanted to be a famous singer. That dream is still with me but I know now I can not carry a tune.

Anything more than basic math scares me. I feel paralyzed and my mind goes blank. I can not reason, think or try to problem solve.

I'm obsessed with rotating my dishes, silverware and cups.

I listen to Ryan Seacrest every workday AM and in the PM I stream pandora.com.

closure

May 25th, 2009
I went out of town for the Memorial Day weekend. I had to drive by Mr Big Man's house. This is the first time I have done this since the break up.
The drive by cut all the strength I had.
I text him 'can I call you later' It really, kinda pisses me off that I have his cell phone memorized. Remember all his phone numbers are deleted from my phone. I use to have a tendency to make booty calls or drunk calls to Ex's so this is how I stopped that nasty habit. Delete, delete, delete.
He replies right back 'yes - of course. glad to know you made it home OK'
What the hell? How did he know I was out of town? Hmm, he must not know who I am. Did he delete my number too??? HAHA! That is too funny. I text him again 'do you know who I am?'
He replied right back 'yes'.
OK. He knows who I am. Still don't get the comment about me making it home OK. Maybe I told him I was going out of town for the holiday? Who knows.
An hour or so later he texts me again 'did mom and dad give you the lawn mower?' Yes, this man has NO idea who I am!
We finally get it straightened out who I am. He says we should talk the next night. We do.
He tells me what is going on. I tell him. We laugh. He is a silly man. It felt like we were back where we use to be. Playing, sharing, giggling with each other. The ease of everything. Illusions can be evil.
I get to the point. Do you miss me I ask.
He said he did but he did not pine for me. He made the right decision. He wanted to know if I regretted anything. I did not and I told him that.
I gave him permission to read my blog. He knows the address. He said he would read it. I told him he knew me at my worst. SUCKER! haha! But truly he did. I was a mess! The hormones really screwed me up.
This news, that he did not pine for me, gave me relief. I was so happy to hear that. I'm not sure why. I did not cry (shocker) and I even went to sleep with a smile on my face. My good friend Beth wanted to know if I was waiting for June 3rd and I told her "I don't think so. I hope not." After having this conversation I came to the conclusion I was waiting for it. I was waiting for an answer. My life was on hold because of a careless "MAYBE".
Once that maybe was removed ... it felt like my life could start again. I felt relief. I was happy. I was at peace.
I believe that Mr Big Man is a soul mate of mine. Maybe not a life partner / lover soul mate but he made my soul sing. He was another serendipity in my life. He was brought to me for a reason.
I have closure. This is something one rarely gets at the end of a relationship. Sometimes I can be so damn lucky.

nickname needed

May 19th, 2009
Not Matt Damon AKA Stud AKA I need a nick name for this man.
He got a first date.
We went to lunch today at a sandwich shop. He is decent looking. We laughed. He was witty. It was comfortable.
When the lunch date was over he offered me his hand. I took it! But in the car I was like HHSBM!! (Holy hot shit batman) He offered me his HAND! Whatevers!
I sent him an email when I got back to work. It said I had a good time but he better not offer me his hand on the second date. haha
PLEASE help me come up with a name for him. For some reason nothing wants to stick. I think he will be around for a bit so I need one.
Here are some facts:
He works for a school district.
He was a therapist.
He is a father of 2.
He has soft lips and what I mean about that is he kisses softly. Like a butterfly. Not that I know what a butterfly kisses like ... where did that imagery come from??? (yes he got a 2nd date and did NOT offer me his hand)
His brother looks like Matt Damon and he does not.
One of HIS nicknames from his own friends is A-Rod.
He plays the guitar. Was in a band. Played for 20 some years.
He is witty.
Help me out here. PLEASE!!!

where do i go to school for this?

Random thought in May.
I wanna learn to pole dance. Srsly!
I wanna learn to pole dance.

Thought you should know.

run. run quickly

May 18th, 2009
Dr PB.
Interesting name, huh? He works in the medical field and the PB relates to Reeses Peanut Butter cups. So we came up with Dr PB (thanks for the help Melissa!).
He called me "STUNNING!!". That will get my attention. Not pretty. Not cute. Not hot. STUNNING! Ahhh, shucks. Thanks.
My long black lashes are fluttering (thanks mascara!).
We seem to be a good match on email. He answers my questions. All satisfactory. I decide we need to go to the phone calls. He gives me his number on Wednesday.
I do not call him Wednesday.
He emails me Thursday. "What, no phone call?!"
I emailed back. "Nope. You will have to wait. I am a busy, stunning woman. I will call you Sunday night." Notice how I have to throw stunning around?
He says fine.
So I call him on the way to get my daughter. I have 30 minutes to spare. The phone call was fascinating! It was really educational and opened my eyes to what I should look at school wise. Go to nursing school? Hell no. I am going for a sonogram technician. This was his idea and he has no clue as to what kind of person I am but it fit. Everything connected in my head and was like ding, ding, ding. It was serendipity.
I told him I would call him later that evening.
I notice he does not ask me questions on the second phone call. I ask why. He says ... GET THIS ... he says "I don't want to pretend I am interested in you."
For reals! He said that!
{insert giggles}
He also asked me what was the dirtiest 4 letter word I could think of. I told him to just tell me the answer. "Love" he said. FOR REALS! {insert laughter} I asked him to explain and he said "think back to your first love. How did that turn out? How about your last love? How did that turn out? The things people get away with when they are in love are ridiculous." I asked what would he do if 5 months from now I said "Dr PB, I love you". His reply was "I don't think I want you to tell me that." {insert wide eyes and mouth open}
We get on the topic of our EX's. VERY interesting fact here. When someone asks me about my EX I ALWAYS default to my daughter's dad. I don't think of Mr P. I don't think of Mr Big Man. I wonder why. Any psychs out there let me know what you think of that ...
Regarding the EXs, I told some about mine. How he was not good for me. It was very unhealthy. He told me ... GET THIS ... he said "if you were treated like shit then you deserved it. Only people who allow themselves to be treated that way are. So you deserved it. You deserved all the abuse you got."
eek.
Run Nikki RUN!!! I did. I said thanks for the wisdom and insight on school but I think this conversation is over. {insert flapping hands in an ick motion. you know, to get the shit off your hands!}