October 14th, 2008
You should see my inbox.
Mr Hottie, Mr Hottie, Mr P, Mr Hottie, Mr Hottie, Mr Hottie, Mr P, Mr Hottie, Mr P, Mr P, Mr Hottie, Mr Hottie
It's nice to be wanted by 2 men. 2 Sexy men. 2 Sexy men that are powerful in their jobs. I have come to find I am attracted to powerful men. Not normally a good thing but with these 2 men they are not on power trips and are very down to earth.
Wait! I know what you are thinking. How did Mr Hottie get back in the picture? Well I am still on eHarmony and we were matched up!
It sickens me that I am doing this. I can not sleep with a man and talk with someone else. It's not fair to either. I want Mr P. I am so into him. I am not into what he said. Do you go off what they say or their actions?
Mr P calls me every day. He sounds super happy when he hears my voice. He sees me every chance he can. He emails me. He texts me. The passion. What he does to me.
I remember some things with Mr Hottie. I think we talked most nights. I liked him & I was attracted to him but I did not go for it because I was still emotional over my X. I was only away from him for 2 months or so when Mr Hottie came into the picture. I asked Mr Hottie why we stopped talking, he said he met someone else and became (you gotta love this word) EXCLUSIVE with her. He went that way for he spent more time with her but he did like me. He completed the eHarmony questions to my satisfaction and I bet I have 30 emails from him ... all in a 24 hour period.
I feel I am using Mr Hottie to feel better about Mr P's rejection of me. BUT HE DID NOT reject me. He still wants me. Just not exclusive.
Mr P is not into games. Hates them. Gets upset if he sees them being played ... that is the best way to describe it.
One of my best friends told me not to tell Mr P anything. Just let is slide. Don't sleep with him and come up with excuses why. Because if I do it will push him in a corner and he will run. I agree most men are this way. Not all but most. If I do not give it to him he will want me more and then want to become exclusive with me ... per her.
The word exclusive is a much better word then boyfriend / girlfriend.
He does not like games. Communication is key. I am still afraid to tell him for I do not want him to run.
What do I do?
I feel guilty as hell for talking to Mr Hottie. I do not want to continue either for I feel so bad. However I also desire to protect myself. It all comes down to 100% me and 50% from him ... not cool. Not cool at all.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
in the shower
October 11th, 2008
What a doozie. I saw Mr P last night after the Passion Party. For my friends that were at the Passion Party - you got a laugh when I RAN out the door due to a text that his children were in bed and I could come over. Kinda desperate but HE did not see it. Only y'all. And yes, I heard the laughter when I was getting in my car! Thanks!!
He gets me all worked up.
Well I did find out we are not exclusive. I am only seeing him at this point.
Yes I am serious. Yes it is shady. Yes it upsets me. Sigh ... yes I still want him.
I am so into him.
After THAT talk, he asked me to get into the shower. I was turned away from him. He washed me. I have taken showers with men in the past but it was either all about sex or all about saving time and getting washed quickly. I have never had a man "give me a shower". It was intimate. It was more intimate than sex. Crazy huh? Why would I even think that? He was soaping my body & washing my hair (my BEAUTIFUL SEXY STRAIGHT HAIR) and I was thinking I was more exposed during this than sex. He was also silent unless I said something. So you only hear the water falling from the shower and you only feel his hands on you ... cleaning, stroking, caressing.
He did not even try anything. It was just about washing me. He knows what he is doing, doesn't he? Why is he doing this to me?
The best part ... I am being sarcastic here ... after the shower scene, he went to sleep. No joke. I did not get my sex. I did not get my sex! And I so wanted it! He was tired and stressed. Plus remember, he is old. hehe
And I am young!
I am so into him. I have become blind. The intimacy is too much.
I never had this before and it is scaring the crap out of me. I tell him to stop and he continues.
Yet he does not want to be my boyfriend at this time? WHAT?
I think I need to tell him we need to slow down and he needs to listen to me and do it. No more intimacy crap! Yes I love it but it is confusing me. Why would you do that when you do not want to be with them? Why???
I asked my friends ... I did not hear good things back.
The major theme ... do not let on how you feel ... the guy will run ... they are like wild animals and scare easily. Take a s-l-o-w step at a time. Quietly. Shhhh.
What a doozie. I saw Mr P last night after the Passion Party. For my friends that were at the Passion Party - you got a laugh when I RAN out the door due to a text that his children were in bed and I could come over. Kinda desperate but HE did not see it. Only y'all. And yes, I heard the laughter when I was getting in my car! Thanks!!
He gets me all worked up.
Well I did find out we are not exclusive. I am only seeing him at this point.
Yes I am serious. Yes it is shady. Yes it upsets me. Sigh ... yes I still want him.
I am so into him.
After THAT talk, he asked me to get into the shower. I was turned away from him. He washed me. I have taken showers with men in the past but it was either all about sex or all about saving time and getting washed quickly. I have never had a man "give me a shower". It was intimate. It was more intimate than sex. Crazy huh? Why would I even think that? He was soaping my body & washing my hair (my BEAUTIFUL SEXY STRAIGHT HAIR) and I was thinking I was more exposed during this than sex. He was also silent unless I said something. So you only hear the water falling from the shower and you only feel his hands on you ... cleaning, stroking, caressing.
He did not even try anything. It was just about washing me. He knows what he is doing, doesn't he? Why is he doing this to me?
The best part ... I am being sarcastic here ... after the shower scene, he went to sleep. No joke. I did not get my sex. I did not get my sex! And I so wanted it! He was tired and stressed. Plus remember, he is old. hehe
And I am young!
I am so into him. I have become blind. The intimacy is too much.
I never had this before and it is scaring the crap out of me. I tell him to stop and he continues.
Yet he does not want to be my boyfriend at this time? WHAT?
I think I need to tell him we need to slow down and he needs to listen to me and do it. No more intimacy crap! Yes I love it but it is confusing me. Why would you do that when you do not want to be with them? Why???
I asked my friends ... I did not hear good things back.
The major theme ... do not let on how you feel ... the guy will run ... they are like wild animals and scare easily. Take a s-l-o-w step at a time. Quietly. Shhhh.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Carried me to bed
October 7th, 2008
So. Ya. Hmm.
We finally decided to have sex. Interesting that we talked about it and did not let it happen. During our make out sessions I have always been able to stop when it got too hot and heavy. Now that I am ready to take the plunge I wanted him to know I would not stop it.
In fact I kinda demanded it.
Damn sex drive.
Speaking of sex drive ... my boobs are growing! They are getting really full and I swear they are going up a whole cup size! I will brag here and say Mr P tells me often that I have beautiful breasts. I LOVE that!
Oh, get back on track here.
So, we decided for Thursday. Thursday was no go for Mother Nature showed up. I was so pissed!!! We still got together and made out but had to stop. Grrrr.
He came over again on Saturday and it was hell. He was happy but not me. How can a man get off so quickly??? I mean it was like touch and come! Jiffy Lube quick! Grrrr.
When he left we decided on Friday (10th of October).
He called me last night (Sunday) & said he switched his nights w/ his kids due to work. The event w/ work was canceled so he had the night kid free. He was going to watch Football w/ friends. Monday night football! So macho. It was something he has not done forever since he has his kids on Mon nights. I flirted & said he could come over instead. We laughed about it but nothing was decided. He said he would talk to me later. He was going out with his friends.
30 min of torture. This was pacing back & forth up & down the hall. Over & over. Do I call him back? Do I not call? I want to see him. He has not been able to see football w/ friends in a long time. I do not want to seem desperate. I do not want to seem needy. He should have his friend time. I need to call Sasha and see what she says. Ring, ring, ring ... voice mail. Damn it Sasha! Where are you?? I need girlfriend support!
Take a deep breath. Hold it. Pace some more!
I want to see him. Do I call? Ok, call, press send .... WAIT hang up. Oh my GAWD, what do I do???? Do I call him back? Did it ring on his end? No, don't call. Just wait til Friday. More pacing. More jumping up and down. More ugly faces made. Geez, I want to see him. STOP being desperate!!! Ok, do I call?
I called. I was 100% nervous. He makes me nervous! I said I was serious about the offer & he could come over. He asked "what does that mean?" I said "you can come over." He said "what for?" I said "me." He said that sounds like a good idea. I felt relief.
He was still going to watch the game & come over after my daughter is asleep. I said 9:00.
He showed up at 9:00. I was giddy. We watched football for a bit. I made fun of him for he was TUNED into the TV and not paying attention to me. Oh hello!!! You are gonna get laid for the first time and you watch FOOTBALL?? Funny typical male, huh? After 5 mins or so he kissed me. 2 mins later he carried me to bed with passionate kissing. Can you say GOOSEBUMPS? My arms were around his neck. My legs were wrapped around his waist. We were kissing all the way down the hall.
So. Ya. Finally. So when can we go at it again? Now? No? WHY NOT? Get it up again! I wanna go again! No? Damn, tomorrow? Maybe? Definitely Friday.
Hmmm. He is a keeper for now.
He better improve on getting it up again.
So. Ya. Hmm.
We finally decided to have sex. Interesting that we talked about it and did not let it happen. During our make out sessions I have always been able to stop when it got too hot and heavy. Now that I am ready to take the plunge I wanted him to know I would not stop it.
In fact I kinda demanded it.
Damn sex drive.
Speaking of sex drive ... my boobs are growing! They are getting really full and I swear they are going up a whole cup size! I will brag here and say Mr P tells me often that I have beautiful breasts. I LOVE that!
Oh, get back on track here.
So, we decided for Thursday. Thursday was no go for Mother Nature showed up. I was so pissed!!! We still got together and made out but had to stop. Grrrr.
He came over again on Saturday and it was hell. He was happy but not me. How can a man get off so quickly??? I mean it was like touch and come! Jiffy Lube quick! Grrrr.
When he left we decided on Friday (10th of October).
He called me last night (Sunday) & said he switched his nights w/ his kids due to work. The event w/ work was canceled so he had the night kid free. He was going to watch Football w/ friends. Monday night football! So macho. It was something he has not done forever since he has his kids on Mon nights. I flirted & said he could come over instead. We laughed about it but nothing was decided. He said he would talk to me later. He was going out with his friends.
30 min of torture. This was pacing back & forth up & down the hall. Over & over. Do I call him back? Do I not call? I want to see him. He has not been able to see football w/ friends in a long time. I do not want to seem desperate. I do not want to seem needy. He should have his friend time. I need to call Sasha and see what she says. Ring, ring, ring ... voice mail. Damn it Sasha! Where are you?? I need girlfriend support!
Take a deep breath. Hold it. Pace some more!
I want to see him. Do I call? Ok, call, press send .... WAIT hang up. Oh my GAWD, what do I do???? Do I call him back? Did it ring on his end? No, don't call. Just wait til Friday. More pacing. More jumping up and down. More ugly faces made. Geez, I want to see him. STOP being desperate!!! Ok, do I call?
I called. I was 100% nervous. He makes me nervous! I said I was serious about the offer & he could come over. He asked "what does that mean?" I said "you can come over." He said "what for?" I said "me." He said that sounds like a good idea. I felt relief.
He was still going to watch the game & come over after my daughter is asleep. I said 9:00.
He showed up at 9:00. I was giddy. We watched football for a bit. I made fun of him for he was TUNED into the TV and not paying attention to me. Oh hello!!! You are gonna get laid for the first time and you watch FOOTBALL?? Funny typical male, huh? After 5 mins or so he kissed me. 2 mins later he carried me to bed with passionate kissing. Can you say GOOSEBUMPS? My arms were around his neck. My legs were wrapped around his waist. We were kissing all the way down the hall.
So. Ya. Finally. So when can we go at it again? Now? No? WHY NOT? Get it up again! I wanna go again! No? Damn, tomorrow? Maybe? Definitely Friday.
Hmmm. He is a keeper for now.
He better improve on getting it up again.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
This boy is all I think about
October 01, 2008
He is officially named Mr P.
Oh my word people!
We have so much chemistry. The passion. I love this lust stage. hehe. He is the "Mr Perfect". Some of you got this stupid email I sent a few months ago about my Mr Perfect this and Mr Perfect that ... and ... oh my ... oh my word ... he is better than that. Now I understand Mr P is not perfect. He is going to have flaws and issues but I have not found them yet.
Wait, there might be one. At my house last night I found out he put in false information on eHarmony about his DOB. He is 41. Turning 42 in December. I am 30. I set my age limit to 10 years so if he would have put his real age, we would never have matched. It does feel odd to desire a man 11 years older. Do I ever desire this man, oh my!
We see each other 3 times a week in the evenings and so far once a week at lunch. He calls me every day. Sometimes more than once. We email often now. We get along. We play. I can't get him out of my head.
I am not in love with him. There is just so much chemistry! I am pulled towards him. I have tried to pull away and slow down. I have TRIED! The chemistry will not let me. He will not let me.
What is up with that anyways? He keeps pushing me closer to the intimacy too. It is different than sex, it is intimacy. I think a big chunk my my wall has crumbled. It's been hit with a sledge hammer. I can't hold back anymore. Nor do I want to.
Wish me luck. This will be the best or the stupidest thing I have ever done since I became a mother.
He is officially named Mr P.
Oh my word people!
We have so much chemistry. The passion. I love this lust stage. hehe. He is the "Mr Perfect". Some of you got this stupid email I sent a few months ago about my Mr Perfect this and Mr Perfect that ... and ... oh my ... oh my word ... he is better than that. Now I understand Mr P is not perfect. He is going to have flaws and issues but I have not found them yet.
Wait, there might be one. At my house last night I found out he put in false information on eHarmony about his DOB. He is 41. Turning 42 in December. I am 30. I set my age limit to 10 years so if he would have put his real age, we would never have matched. It does feel odd to desire a man 11 years older. Do I ever desire this man, oh my!
We see each other 3 times a week in the evenings and so far once a week at lunch. He calls me every day. Sometimes more than once. We email often now. We get along. We play. I can't get him out of my head.
I am not in love with him. There is just so much chemistry! I am pulled towards him. I have tried to pull away and slow down. I have TRIED! The chemistry will not let me. He will not let me.
What is up with that anyways? He keeps pushing me closer to the intimacy too. It is different than sex, it is intimacy. I think a big chunk my my wall has crumbled. It's been hit with a sledge hammer. I can't hold back anymore. Nor do I want to.
Wish me luck. This will be the best or the stupidest thing I have ever done since I became a mother.
Monday, February 2, 2009
And then he kissed me ...
September 15th, 2008
Date #2
I went to his house late. 10 PM. We did this because I have my daughter weekend 1 and he has his children weekend 2. We are not matched up on our child free weekends. His children were in bed asleep.
He lives in a McMansion. No joke.
He took me out to his deck and we sat outside for approx 30 mins. We talked. It was very easy to talk to him. Found out we had a lot more in common. Found out he likes a woman to cook. I said "It was nice to meet you. Good-bye!". He thought that was funny. People, I am not a cook! I did mention the Once a Month Cooking club I am in and he was "looking forward to it". He also said I could buy dinner and act like I cooked it. Isn't that sweet? hehe
On the deck he told me I HAD to see the closet in his bedroom. I laughed and said "All my friends said you were gonna try to get me into your bedroom!" He was offended (joking) and said I could close my eyes as we walked to the closet. We both laughed at that.
We came into the house and he turned me just so. He gave me a kiss. Ohh! A kiss!! It was very nice. However it did make me uncomfortable for I was use to the 1st kiss being at the end of the 2nd date. Not at the beginning. Plus you know, I was awful chaste up to this point with the other men I have dated.
We looked at the closet. Ya, it's big. I've seen bigger.
I told him that. The look on his face was priceless. Was he expecting me to ohh and awe over his closet? I think he was.
We sat on the couch and watched the movie 21. It's about blackjack. He wanted to hold my hand then he wanted to hold both my hands. We had to sit right next to each other. OK - HERE IS THE DEAL ... I need that when I am in a relationship. I need the touching. I need the affection ... he was giving this to me. In a relationship I would be so damn happy. Now, I was uncomfortable again. I told him this. He was moving too fast. This is the 2nd date and I am not use to that speed. He understood and asked if he should stop holding my hand. The funny thing is I said no for I did enjoy it. It felt so good! He was massaging my hands. And honestly I was feeling a little hot & bothered ... IN THE GOOD WAY!
Moving along ... at one point I was really into the movie. It's a great movie! I hear from him, LOUD & sounding a little shocked and in awe "My GOD YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!". Ahh, thank you! Talk about tinglies going up and down your spine. We were going back and forth at one time and he asked me if I was "always full of shit". I said most of the time. He said great for he found that very attractive.
He was ornery. He was funny. He was flirty. He was making me want to jump him. hehe. I didn't. There were many sweet kisses.
At the end - about 1 AM, I told him I had to leave for I was really tired. He said OK and then I had to stay until I agreed to another date. He also said he had a lot of fun and he really liked me and was looking forward to seeing me again. I said next weekend. He said that was too far away. We agreed on a lunch date too.
He kissed me good-bye at my car. Due to all the kisses inside it felt so normal and natural. Hey, maybe I should start kissing at the beginning of the 2nd date.
He called me today (Monday) at work to set up the day of lunch. On the phone he said again he had a lot of fun. He was being flirty again.
So he likes me. Can you tell? I can tell. It makes me giddy. It makes me happy. However I feel the touchy feely is a little to fast. Don't get me wrong, I love it!! But not so soon. I need to make sure he understands he needs to slow that part down. I look forward to seeing him again.
2 dates week 1, 2 dates week 2. This is moving right along, isn't it? We will either be over real soon or getting married in 3 months. hehe.
Date #2
I went to his house late. 10 PM. We did this because I have my daughter weekend 1 and he has his children weekend 2. We are not matched up on our child free weekends. His children were in bed asleep.
He lives in a McMansion. No joke.
He took me out to his deck and we sat outside for approx 30 mins. We talked. It was very easy to talk to him. Found out we had a lot more in common. Found out he likes a woman to cook. I said "It was nice to meet you. Good-bye!". He thought that was funny. People, I am not a cook! I did mention the Once a Month Cooking club I am in and he was "looking forward to it". He also said I could buy dinner and act like I cooked it. Isn't that sweet? hehe
On the deck he told me I HAD to see the closet in his bedroom. I laughed and said "All my friends said you were gonna try to get me into your bedroom!" He was offended (joking) and said I could close my eyes as we walked to the closet. We both laughed at that.
We came into the house and he turned me just so. He gave me a kiss. Ohh! A kiss!! It was very nice. However it did make me uncomfortable for I was use to the 1st kiss being at the end of the 2nd date. Not at the beginning. Plus you know, I was awful chaste up to this point with the other men I have dated.
We looked at the closet. Ya, it's big. I've seen bigger.
I told him that. The look on his face was priceless. Was he expecting me to ohh and awe over his closet? I think he was.
We sat on the couch and watched the movie 21. It's about blackjack. He wanted to hold my hand then he wanted to hold both my hands. We had to sit right next to each other. OK - HERE IS THE DEAL ... I need that when I am in a relationship. I need the touching. I need the affection ... he was giving this to me. In a relationship I would be so damn happy. Now, I was uncomfortable again. I told him this. He was moving too fast. This is the 2nd date and I am not use to that speed. He understood and asked if he should stop holding my hand. The funny thing is I said no for I did enjoy it. It felt so good! He was massaging my hands. And honestly I was feeling a little hot & bothered ... IN THE GOOD WAY!
Moving along ... at one point I was really into the movie. It's a great movie! I hear from him, LOUD & sounding a little shocked and in awe "My GOD YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!". Ahh, thank you! Talk about tinglies going up and down your spine. We were going back and forth at one time and he asked me if I was "always full of shit". I said most of the time. He said great for he found that very attractive.
He was ornery. He was funny. He was flirty. He was making me want to jump him. hehe. I didn't. There were many sweet kisses.
At the end - about 1 AM, I told him I had to leave for I was really tired. He said OK and then I had to stay until I agreed to another date. He also said he had a lot of fun and he really liked me and was looking forward to seeing me again. I said next weekend. He said that was too far away. We agreed on a lunch date too.
He kissed me good-bye at my car. Due to all the kisses inside it felt so normal and natural. Hey, maybe I should start kissing at the beginning of the 2nd date.
He called me today (Monday) at work to set up the day of lunch. On the phone he said again he had a lot of fun. He was being flirty again.
So he likes me. Can you tell? I can tell. It makes me giddy. It makes me happy. However I feel the touchy feely is a little to fast. Don't get me wrong, I love it!! But not so soon. I need to make sure he understands he needs to slow that part down. I look forward to seeing him again.
2 dates week 1, 2 dates week 2. This is moving right along, isn't it? We will either be over real soon or getting married in 3 months. hehe.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Easy in and out
September 12th, 2008
We meet for lunch. I was very nervous. I hate 1st dates! Thank God it is a lunch date. Easy in and out if it does not go well.
I see him standing at the entrance. I said his name. He nodded and smiled. I was so nervous I smiled back and walked right in. Let's just hurry up and sit down please!
I did notice he is not ugly. He is a decent looking man. He looks better in person.
We sit down and right off the bat he is joking with me, playing, laughing. It was great. I felt better but still nervous. I laughed a lot. I did feel at one time he was trying to "correct" my spirit. I am not sure how to explain it. We have a 10 year age gap and I guess at that moment I saw the age gap ...
He carried himself with confidence - which I find very sexy. He answered my serious questions the way I need them to be answered for me to continue seeing him. That is definitely in his favor. He was very flirty. He was into me. He asked me lots of questions. I found out he is very happy in his life. Loves his job, loves his current life but wants someone to share it with.
So far we agree on dating rules (IE not seeing each others children unless we feel there is something there) and that children come first. Very nice.
He did tell me he has gone on several dates (well I think it was 3) with eHarmony ladies and he has not asked anyone of the others out on a 2nd date. Truth? Don't know but I will believe it for now.
He asked me out on a 2nd date. Sat night. I told him I had to check my calendar. I would call and let him know. He called me later in the day to see if I could come. I said yes. We are going to his house. I get to see the McMansion. HEHE. THE HOUSE PEOPLE!! The house. Ya, the house. Oh gosh, am I feeling inferior again? But on the phone call today he said he had a really good time and was "very pleasantly surprised". Go me! I feel better again!
I need to come up with a name for him. My first name is Mr McMansion but that sounds like I am money hungry and I am not. Need to keep thinking on this.
We meet for lunch. I was very nervous. I hate 1st dates! Thank God it is a lunch date. Easy in and out if it does not go well.
I see him standing at the entrance. I said his name. He nodded and smiled. I was so nervous I smiled back and walked right in. Let's just hurry up and sit down please!
I did notice he is not ugly. He is a decent looking man. He looks better in person.
We sit down and right off the bat he is joking with me, playing, laughing. It was great. I felt better but still nervous. I laughed a lot. I did feel at one time he was trying to "correct" my spirit. I am not sure how to explain it. We have a 10 year age gap and I guess at that moment I saw the age gap ...
He carried himself with confidence - which I find very sexy. He answered my serious questions the way I need them to be answered for me to continue seeing him. That is definitely in his favor. He was very flirty. He was into me. He asked me lots of questions. I found out he is very happy in his life. Loves his job, loves his current life but wants someone to share it with.
So far we agree on dating rules (IE not seeing each others children unless we feel there is something there) and that children come first. Very nice.
He did tell me he has gone on several dates (well I think it was 3) with eHarmony ladies and he has not asked anyone of the others out on a 2nd date. Truth? Don't know but I will believe it for now.
He asked me out on a 2nd date. Sat night. I told him I had to check my calendar. I would call and let him know. He called me later in the day to see if I could come. I said yes. We are going to his house. I get to see the McMansion. HEHE. THE HOUSE PEOPLE!! The house. Ya, the house. Oh gosh, am I feeling inferior again? But on the phone call today he said he had a really good time and was "very pleasantly surprised". Go me! I feel better again!
I need to come up with a name for him. My first name is Mr McMansion but that sounds like I am money hungry and I am not. Need to keep thinking on this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
