eenie meenie minie moe

October 14th, 2008
You should see my inbox.
Mr Hottie, Mr Hottie, Mr P, Mr Hottie, Mr Hottie, Mr Hottie, Mr P, Mr Hottie, Mr P, Mr P, Mr Hottie, Mr Hottie
It's nice to be wanted by 2 men. 2 Sexy men. 2 Sexy men that are powerful in their jobs. I have come to find I am attracted to powerful men. Not normally a good thing but with these 2 men they are not on power trips and are very down to earth.
Wait! I know what you are thinking. How did Mr Hottie get back in the picture? Well I am still on eHarmony and we were matched up!
It sickens me that I am doing this. I can not sleep with a man and talk with someone else. It's not fair to either. I want Mr P. I am so into him. I am not into what he said. Do you go off what they say or their actions?
Mr P calls me every day. He sounds super happy when he hears my voice. He sees me every chance he can. He emails me. He texts me. The passion. What he does to me.
I remember some things with Mr Hottie. I think we talked most nights. I liked him & I was attracted to him but I did not go for it because I was still emotional over my X. I was only away from him for 2 months or so when Mr Hottie came into the picture. I asked Mr Hottie why we stopped talking, he said he met someone else and became (you gotta love this word) EXCLUSIVE with her. He went that way for he spent more time with her but he did like me. He completed the eHarmony questions to my satisfaction and I bet I have 30 emails from him ... all in a 24 hour period.
I feel I am using Mr Hottie to feel better about Mr P's rejection of me. BUT HE DID NOT reject me. He still wants me. Just not exclusive.
Mr P is not into games. Hates them. Gets upset if he sees them being played ... that is the best way to describe it.
One of my best friends told me not to tell Mr P anything. Just let is slide. Don't sleep with him and come up with excuses why. Because if I do it will push him in a corner and he will run. I agree most men are this way. Not all but most. If I do not give it to him he will want me more and then want to become exclusive with me ... per her.
The word exclusive is a much better word then boyfriend / girlfriend.
He does not like games. Communication is key. I am still afraid to tell him for I do not want him to run.
What do I do?
I feel guilty as hell for talking to Mr Hottie. I do not want to continue either for I feel so bad. However I also desire to protect myself. It all comes down to 100% me and 50% from him ... not cool. Not cool at all.