May 6th & 7th, 2009

May 6th & 7th, 2009
6:47AM - My alarm goes off. I hit snooze. Oh I hate waking up by an alarm in the morning! I roll over and settle back in.
My eyes close and I am about to go back to sleep and then my eyes snap open.
CHECK THE DAMN PHONE NIKKI! Did he text back???
I do and he didn't. At this point I decide to get up and get ready for work. Disappointed.
8:04AM - After arriving at work I check my email. No email from him. More disappointment.
No email AND no text. It's over. Yep it's over. Accept this fate. It's over. It's over. It's freakin over! I make my coffee, update twitter and get to work.
8:16AM - beep
Oh my. I got a text. Ohhhh my. Slowly I check it. My heart is pounding. Since I deleted his name just the number shows. The sad and lonely cell phone number that I had memorized had a message for me. I tell the phone to open it.
"hi back"
That's it. That is all he wrote.
The rest of the day I was going back and forth with emotions.
I did have a fantastic evening with Melissa over Gmail's chat and phone calls. We both decided to get on Plenty of Fish and we were sending each other men! It was hysterical. It was like "he's MINE, leave him alone!" or "ya, this is not for me, you try". We were joking about the pictures men took with a mirror and what they said to us in emails. Oh we were just catty but gawd it was fun!!

May 7th, 2009
I went to the DR this AM. Still trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with me. Oh! I did decide to stop the bitch control pills. Hoping this would fix some of the issues. I am nervous. The last time I went in they tested me for diabetes. Somehow an elevated growth hormone can cause diabetes??? Ya, whatever I am not a Doctor and it's confusing. Regardless I really do not want diabetes! I would get the results back now.
Drum roll ... well the heck I will just copy and paste the email I sent to friends and family. That is what you are, right? Yeppers you are:
I do not have diabetes!!!! My Growth hormone was back to normal. Whatever disease he thought I had I do not! I was so happy I could cry. And I did. Because I am a hormonal fool!
He is testing me for more things. He is not sure what he is going for but he did zero in on the Prolactin hormone for it can also cause growth and some of my other symptoms. I have been tested for that before with "normal" results. I did stress to him that I needed to get a thyroid test. He said he ordered it. However only 1 vital of blood was taken this time so I am not sure.
I go back on 5/27.

And guess what. I decided to sent it to him too!! Why??? Because I am a bloody idiot and once more show I have NO self control when it comes to his man.
I wrote that at 12:05 PM. He wrote back at 4:45PM.

Good to hear! I am doing ok. I'll respond to the other email soon. Mr Big Man

EEEEK!!!

yes, I am growing

March 13th, 2009
My arm is bruised. Dark yellow and purple. Starts on the top of my hand where the IV was and twists down my inner arm until it reaches my elbow. It is also swollen. It still hurts.
I call the Doctor to see if this is normal. Yes the Nurse says.
"Oh, by the way, you are on my list to call. The MRI came in and there is no tumor. The Doctor is stumped. You should have one with all the symptoms you had. We have to send you to an Endocrinologist. Also all the blood work came back OK except the growth hormone was elevated."
Well at least I was not crazy when I said I grew!
I call Mr Big Man at work again. HOT DAMN. I like that voice mail. I mean seriously. He needs to talk to me like that all the time. The panties would drop! Anyways, I leave a message.
He calls me back. He starts talking about the hormone, gave it a name and what it could mean. I asked how did he know all this stuff?
"If there is something that effects someone I care about I will research it until I know everything. I can be obsessive on it. This was one outcome. I will have to look more into it to see what the next step is."
Mr Big Man googles everything! I tell him not to be Doogie Howser MD and let the Doctors freak me out, not him.
He agrees not to freak me out but he is still going to read up on it.

MRI day

March 10th, 2009
I am on the sliding thing - you know the slidy thingy that goes into the tube. Knees elevated. They are trying to insert an IV in me. I tell them I have small veins and they should use the butterfly. I mean, yesterday they drew 4 tubes of blood so I know what I am talking about.
5 tries later they get it in. That freaking hurt! The IV is in my right hand... well the opposite side of my wrist, more towards the top of the hand than the arm. It still hurts. They inject some dye into the IV. I can taste it. Eww, metallic.
They secure my head. They ask what music I would like to listen to.
They push me into the tube. I close my eyes. I remember a friend telling me to tell them to turn the music up for the MRI makes loud noises. I yell that to them. The volume goes up.
There are clicks. Does that sound mean it is taking pictures or is it from something rotating in there? Click, click, click.
I try to relax but my hand / arm but it still hurts and if I turn it or hold it "wrong" I can feel the pull of the vein. It really does not feel good.
Just listen to the music. Relax. Reeeeelaaaaaaaaaax. Don't move that arm!
Hey this is a good song. I sing in my head.
Click, click, click, click , click.
This is not so bad.
Another good song.
hmmmm.
YANK!
They pulled me out. Whoa! What just happened? We're done? Oh, OK. That was not bad at all. In fact I may have started to drift off to sleep - with my arm at an awkward angle.
Results are going to my Doctor in about a week or less.
My arm still hurts. I take inventory and see 5 cotton balls on my arms. 3 on the left and 2 on the right. Don't they teach these people how to insert IV's into people with teeny veins?
I head back into work.

my soul to keep

March 9th, 2009
We wake up normal week day morning time. He heads to the shower ... and well, you know what happens. If not, review some older posts.
On the drive to the Doctor's I recall how earnest he was in telling me to call him right away at his work. I never call his work. I have the number but I know how busy he is so I never bother. However with something like this, Mr Big Man wants to know right away.
The Doctor's office is very nice. I have never been here before, in fact Mr Big Man told me to try this place. This is where his Doctor is. The wait was short. The Doctor was super friendly as were the nurses.
I detail all my issues. She asks me more questions. I answer.
"Well, from what you told me this fits perfectly into the scenario that you have a tumor in or around your pituitary gland. We need to get a MRI done. This is not something to wait on, we need to act now."
They schedule it for tomorrow.
I removed myself from the situation so I was very calm. I took all the information on where the MRI was and how to prepare, etc. I am so very calm.
I call Mr Big Man. It goes to his voice mail. Well hot damn that is a sexy voice mail. How come he does not talk like that normally? I hang up and call back. WOW. I like!! That is one hell of a sexy voice mail. I will have to call every day to listen to that!! I leave a message telling him to call me and how much I enjoyed his voice mail.
I call my Dad and he is busy so I talk to my Step-Mom. I call my Mom.
Mr Big Man calls me back. I tell him what is up. The appointment is during lunch tomorrow. He asks if he could have lunch with me before or after the MRI. I want to but have to decline due to work.
As the day goes on I tell more people. They all tell me not to worry. It will be OK.
It will be OK, right? I can't die from this, right? I might have to have brain surgery but it will be OK, right? Right??
RIGHT!!????
I start to pray and one particular prayer comes to mind. Do you remember this?
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take

Everything will be OK. It has to be.

hugs

March 8th, 2009

I have a Doctors appointment tomorrow morning.  This is to find out what is going on with me.  The appointment is first thing in the morning.  The Doctor's office is located in his town which is 30 minutes away from me.

I call Mr Big Man.  I ask how much do you want to see me?  I mean we were together Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday.  He wants to know what is going on.

I am nervous.   This could be terrible news.  This could be no big deal news.  This could be no news.  I am nervous.

He tells me to come on up and he would love to have me.

I go.

The first thing he does when I walk in is give me a big hug.  It's long, it's tight and it comforts.  It's what I needed.

worry wart

February 25th, 2009

So he did not say he loved me but I know Mr Big Man cares.

I went to my OB/GYN Doctor the other day for my yearly exam.  I found out I grew.  In height.  No kidding!!  After puberty I think we should be done growing, don't you? It was not a lot but it was there.  I have always been 5' 1/2 an inch since I hit my height and now I am 5' 1 3/4.

Also with the increased sex drive, the headaches, the crazy moodiness and everything else, this does not look good to me.

It does not look good to him either.   He was asking me for all my symptoms and asking more questions.  He was being Dr. Big Man!  It was sweet. 

He sat me down and told me that he was worried and really wanted me to look into things to make sure all is well.  The combo of everything points to a tumor (non cancerous) and he strongly urges me to see another Doctor.  He said again he really cared about me and he was worried and wanted me to make sure I was OK.  

Looking at him made me realize he was taking this seriously and he went out of his way to talk to me about this (I kept trying to change the subject) and it did amaze me how much research and time he put into this.

It warms my heart even more.  Time to make the appointment!