alarms ringing

March 5th, 2009
Sleep Over! Oh how I love thee. We get to spend a lot of time with each other and I get to sleep when I am tired. I tell you, the evenings when I get there at 9:00 and leave at 11:00ish are very draining. The next day I am exhausted. This short girl needs sleep!
We decided to try something different for dinner and go eat at Dillions. Yes, the grocery store! They re-vamped the one next to a new upscale Wal-Mart that will be opening soon. Yes I typed that right, an upscale Wal-mart. Oxymoron, huh?
Dillions went all fancy schmancy and they have a buffet line / restaurant style food area. In the dining area there are leather seats, real silverware, a fire place!!!, I mean this is nice. In a Dillions! I want one of them here.
We get our food and just as we are getting our drinks and to sit down the fire alarm goes off. It is loud. There is an alarm every 4-5 feet from each other. WE ARE YELLING TO TALK. WE YELL THAT WE NEED TO MOVE AS FAR AWAY FROM THE ALARMS AS POSSIBLE. WE YELL AS WE MOVE TABLES. PEOPLE ARE YELLING IN NORMAL CONVERSATION. IT IS VERY LOUD. WE LAUGH. OUR EARS HURT. WE YELL UNTIL THE ALARM GOES OFF. THE ALARM DOES NOT GO OFF FOR A SOLID 10 MINUTES.
When the fire men saunter in to turn the alarm off and we hear the sweet sound of silence that is when we realize we are still yelling at each other. It was pretty funny.
We then decided since we were at Dillions we needed to go grocery shopping. And we did! Are we boring or what? In truth, I like it.
Due to the new birth control pills we have to go back to using condoms for a bit. Well, the whore went away for almost 3 months. The whore is back! I begged him - yes BEGGED him to go in without one. He said no. Damn it!!!
An hour later after the sex hormones and dopamine go down I am thankful he tells me no. This man catches me. Every.single.time.

Apples to Oranges

January 8th, 2009
We are officially together now. I get the Big "E". Exclusive!! I have a boyfriend. It's odd knowing ... the guess work is gone. I like it.
And oh my gosh it just hit me. Like, right now at 11:04 AM at work. The slap did not hurt but it was a nice revelation. I like Mr Big Man. Big time. I do. I mean, no love here but I am SOOOOO into him. I am thinking about him all the time now. He is such a good man. He treats me well.
He told me he would treat me right even if it means he has to make tough choices. Has a man ever told you that? No one has ever said that to me before. Besides telling me, I have seen actions of it. He has already made a tough choice and has stuck to it to treat me right. I have a dreadful secret. I kept comparing him to Mr P. Terrible I know. I think it's time to stop.
With Mr P there was so much passion. Electricity would be bouncing off of us in a room. I had to touch him. I had no choice, my hand just moved on it's own ... or you know, he grabbed it. There was all that intimacy. I could not control it. He controlled it! I wanted it to stop, don't you remember? He pushed it further and deeper and would not stop. The shower, the being carried down the hall and other things that I did not share. How he would move with me, react to me ... touch me during sex was not ... "normal". He was like a man possessed. As y'all know he was not such a good match for me. DUH! He dumped me. I did have feelings for him. I was not in love, I was in lust. Extreme, dramatic, overwhelming, mind consuming lust. How can one NOT compare others to that???
Mr Big Man I can talk to. I can share with. I can be ME. I AM me! We laugh. A lot. We play. I tell him he has multiple personalities. One is Charlie Brown - "you are such a good man, Charlie Brown" when he does something above the call of duty. One is Joey - when he is being sexy and asking "How you doin" in the Joey from Friends voice. One is Mr Big Man when he is being ... well Mr Big Man. He enjoys it. He plays along. We do not have that passion, not the passion I had with Mr P. Now, when we are making out he rocks my world. Our one night of sex was yummy. I definitely want it again.
We do not have the intimacy. I told him I did not want it. It scares me. Especially at the beginning of a relationship. Especially when I am being pushed into it. He understood and said OK. He would wait but not for long. He prefers to "make love" instead of animal sex. Besides we both agreed once sex starts feelings are skewed and what is lust can be mistaken for love. Is it too early for me to say screw it and give me the intimacy? I mean he is going to do it anyways. I WANT it with Mr Big Man. I did not want it with Mr P. When Mr Big Man gives me the intimacy can I still be the whore I want to be with him? Hmm, how do you mix that together??
Maybe I should give a silent shout out to Mr P for showing me this side of myself. Showing me how powerful it is. I never had it with anyone else.
I asked Mr Big Man for permission the other night to continue writing these journals. I asked him because I am sharing personal details here. When he meets y'all will he be OK knowing that YOU know we had sex 5 times in one night the first time? Will he be OK knowing that YOU know I call him Mr Big Man for more than one reason? Well I guess he doesn't care. He wants me to continue! He is OK with it. He supports my writing.
I am not sure how I can "top" them. Hopefully he will have something up his sleeve. Remember, I let go and he catches. He always catches me when I fall. Maybe I will get the intimacy I want. If I do, y'all better strap yourselves in!
It might be one wild ride!!!

PS I am not going to change my writing because my momma does not listen to me and decides to read my journals.

PPS I saw a shooting star last night for the first time in a long time. I made a wish. I wished he was the one.

PPPS And leave comments! I get a kick out of reading what you say.

Mr Big Man fulfils

December 18th, 2008
4th date with Mr Big Man.
He came over late, 8:45ish and picked me up. My mom was in the living room and I felt like a school girl. "Mom, don't wait up and NO you can not meet him!" I ran out to the car to see him. My mom is staying at my house for the holidays.
We went Christmas shopping. First we went to Best Buy and had a very interesting encounter with Oskar the Sales Man. Oskar was a Chatty Cathy and followed us around the store. It was funny but irritating at the same time. During this Mr Big Man was holding my hand and rubbing my back and just being sweet.
We left Best Buy and went to Toys R Us. I was telling him how I bought my daughter a bike for Christmas and I was NOT looking forward to putting it together. He said "I'll do it; it will be quick and easy." Seriously! He took my Wee One's bike home. I will pick it up from him on Friday at our next date! I did not think I sounded like I wanted him to help. It was just a thought like, crap I have to put this bike together but I can do it. What brownie points he has ... putting my baby girl's first bike together. I love it.
We left there and tried Barnes and Noble. They close at 10PM! They are open later on the weekend ... so, where do you go from here? We decide to go back to my house. I made him hot chocolate. I love a man that loves hot chocolate like I do.
Mom was awake. I ran into the house and was like "Mom, he is coming in. Can you stay in your room?" hehe. She did. What a trooper mom I have!
We watched TV. We had another make out session. Mr Big Man is, holy crap, Mr Big Man is ... oh my word ... Mr Big Man is yummy. LOL. Just yummy. No sex. He has great self control. Mine is out the freaking window. With Mr P I was all about the stopping when it was going too far and not having any issues with my self control. With Mr Big Man I let go. I let go. Wow. I let go and he catches.
I begged again. Good Lord!
Dude I am such a whore with him! Not really but if feels like it. I did get a much better look this time and I am kind of scared of ever having sex with him.
Whatever. We are so gonna have fun making out. Oh! At the end I stood on the couch and I was STILL shorter than him.
I am thinking about him all the time.