Thursday, February 5, 2009

in the shower

October 11th, 2008
What a doozie. I saw Mr P last night after the Passion Party. For my friends that were at the Passion Party - you got a laugh when I RAN out the door due to a text that his children were in bed and I could come over. Kinda desperate but HE did not see it. Only y'all. And yes, I heard the laughter when I was getting in my car! Thanks!!
He gets me all worked up.
Well I did find out we are not exclusive. I am only seeing him at this point.
Yes I am serious. Yes it is shady. Yes it upsets me. Sigh ... yes I still want him.
I am so into him.
After THAT talk, he asked me to get into the shower. I was turned away from him. He washed me. I have taken showers with men in the past but it was either all about sex or all about saving time and getting washed quickly. I have never had a man "give me a shower". It was intimate. It was more intimate than sex. Crazy huh? Why would I even think that? He was soaping my body & washing my hair (my BEAUTIFUL SEXY STRAIGHT HAIR) and I was thinking I was more exposed during this than sex. He was also silent unless I said something. So you only hear the water falling from the shower and you only feel his hands on you ... cleaning, stroking, caressing.
He did not even try anything. It was just about washing me. He knows what he is doing, doesn't he? Why is he doing this to me?
The best part ... I am being sarcastic here ... after the shower scene, he went to sleep. No joke. I did not get my sex. I did not get my sex! And I so wanted it! He was tired and stressed. Plus remember, he is old. hehe
And I am young!
I am so into him. I have become blind. The intimacy is too much.
I never had this before and it is scaring the crap out of me. I tell him to stop and he continues.
Yet he does not want to be my boyfriend at this time? WHAT?
I think I need to tell him we need to slow down and he needs to listen to me and do it. No more intimacy crap! Yes I love it but it is confusing me. Why would you do that when you do not want to be with them? Why???
I asked my friends ... I did not hear good things back.
The major theme ... do not let on how you feel ... the guy will run ... they are like wild animals and scare easily. Take a s-l-o-w step at a time. Quietly. Shhhh.


  1. loving your blog, and thank you for adding me, i really appreciate it!

    I thought i'd let you know that i've created a writer's forum

    Basically its a forum where writers can come and discuss their yays and woes, share advice or discuss the publishing world. I'd love it if you could drop in and have a look (it was only set up yesterday) and maybe let your friends know if they're interested.



  2. Great post. It's funny DH and I used to do that very does make one feel vulnerable. But, now it's all about saving time and H2O. Have a great weekend!


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